4-15-2020 Journal

I've never uncovered my little side after a scene. It's always been pulled out of me differently and, usually, reluctantly. That side of me had been abandoned so coldly, I actually wasn't sure it was a true part of me anymore. Until today.

I've also never had someone take an ugly wall of mine and turn it into something else, something more manageable for me. I'm not even sure how that worked. The past issues are still there but distant and quiet, waiting until I'm ready to wade through them. Those issues no longer stand in the way of the connection I need so badly. At least, they didn't today, but I'm grateful for any reprieve. I'm grateful I got such a sweet gift unexpectedly.

A gift with many sides and angles. I don't see them all. I don't understand all that I do see either. That's okay. I don't always have to understand, in fact, I probably tend to understand less when I make analysis my focus. Sometimes a puzzle is figured out piece by piece and not solved in under an hour.

And sometimes, sadism doesn't only calm your masochism. It can do more if people are willing to allow it to work its magic