4-27-2020 Journal

Why Emotional Sadomasochism is Healthy for Me

There are many situations we can find ourselves in where we clearly see we need to remove ourselves. People can point out the obvious to you all day every day and you'll still stare at the problem seemingly paralyzed. Then the reasoning comes, the excuses, etc. And if you're in a toxic or abusive situation, you do indeed cling to these reasons to stay for if you don't, someone else surely will beat you over the head with so many reasons that you forget why you wanted to leave. For a time.

The same process happens when we talk ourselves out of trying something, this fear of success can be just as crippling as the fear of possible failure. In the end, you stay still, never moving forward because that's scary shit. This process I speak of can disable anyone in any area of their life, often many areas, because we give way too large a stage to our fears and our excuses.

In an emotional scene, however, we are placed inside those fears and excuses are skillfully thwarted and we're then redirected back to face the fear. Yes, it's painful and draining. Yes, we may hate it in the moment. But we can't run from our emotions in the scene, we have to feel and in that we begin to dismantle the excuses and actually tackle the problems. Believe it or not, some people would say this kind of play is unhealthy.

It's no different than sitting in on a self help lecture other than you actually develop the skills to utilize the advice. Oh, and the erotic component. Pretty sure no self-help guru is making their audience aroused, but if ya know of one, hit me up with info. Anyway, these are beautiful and therapeutic scenes when done right. Just like any other type of play, there's risks and damage can be inflected, but to paint any play with a broad brush is akin to spreading misinformation.

There are going to be people who have engaged in a particular play and found it wasn't for them, or maybe they even feel damaged from it. That doesn't automatically mean the play is unhealthy or even the participants are. I personally find this type of play to be a godsend. It has worked in places that therapy and other support hasn't been able to reach. So keep an open mind and ask yourself questions whenever you read a piece damning these plays, be it emotional sadomasochism, blood play, rape play, hypnosis, or knife play. We all have unique, individual needs and wants and to differ doesn't mean something is immediately unhealthy.