When I'm hurting or anxious (which to me is a form of pain anyway), I aim to express myself. Repeatedly. Often, I lose the very loose hold I have on my social skills and there's not much give and take in my conversations. I'm fully aware, but haven't yet found a method for fixing it.
Due to this glitch of mine, as I call it, I don't hear other people as well assuming they can even get a word in edgewise. I don't feel my pain is greater or more important at all, I don't view anyone's pain as minor and I don't compete. I have that quality going for me, however, this glitch makes it appear that I absolutely think my pain reigns supreme. Or at least, I'd think that of another who freight trained me in a conversation. I hope others have more patience with me lol but I cannot expect it.
Since my anxiety has been through the roof, I've had several incidents where after a conversation, I feel horrible sitting in the knowledge that that person didn't feel heard. I'm working on it diligently, but in the meantime, it sucks that I have many friends in need of an ear and I'm just being an asshole.
I'm also watching a lot of fights and whatnot going on because both parties are struggling to be heard at the very same time. And I don't think they can stop themselves, if aware, any more than I've been able to. Bad things happen and to add the changes going on in the world in the background (or for some, the foreground), I just see terrible spirals coming soon. And it breaks my heart. And I don't think any one person is to blame in these incidents.
I just hope something clicks somewhere and someone is able to stand in line once in a while to stop the destruction that's on the horizon. Unfortunately, I know it's not likely to be me, I'm not going to be the superhero. There's people more capable of active listening and patience. And I hope they step up all over the world.
In the meantime, I'll be working on the issue myself in my own interactions the best I can.
No comments:
Post a Comment