4-20-2017 Fiction

You Don't Deserve This

She rested comfortably in her restraints up against the familiar wall, but what was to unfold here tonight would be anything but familiar. I had prepared her by mostly ignoring her for two days. Every time she'd talk, I'd grunt in reply at best and otherwise made it clear I gave no fucks about whatever she was droning on about. Last night, I had brought home dinner and didn't bring her anything. I ate a meal from her favorite take-out restaurant gleefully in the kitchen while she slowly dragged a pan out of the cupboard to prepare her own dinner. I'd cut her off in conversation. Often. The evening before I didn't show up at home until after midnight with no so much as a call to ease her worried mind. I had acted like every single ex she ever told me about. She never said a word, but her shoulders had settled into a defeated slump by the time our playtime arrived.

"You don't deserve this," I mutter as I attach a clip to her left nipple. She looks down at her nipple then at me with confusion. "I'm not talking about the clip, you moron." If she could have recoiled into and through the wall behind her, she would have. I can see her pressing up hard against it, trying to disappear. I attach the other clip and repeat my prior statement. She still says nothing.

Her face is a deep red but she's learned well enough not to hide her face from me anymore. She instead locks eyes with me. I can see the glassy, trembly look of them and I turn away quickly. I walk over to the table and grab my bottle of water and my dragon tail. As I return, I stop over by the potted plant near the window. I open the water and let it run over the very tip of the dragon tail, humming softly as the run off waters the plant below.

"Why do I even water your dumb plant?" I ask over my shoulder as I twist the cap back onto the bottle.

"Because it needs water..?" She answers in a shaky voice.

"It's your plant, it doesn't deserve my care," I say and turn around to smirk at her, "does it?" She stares at me, her mind obviously whirling around trying to figure out what's gotten into me. I approach her slowly then I slingshot my dragon tail at her left breast. It knocks the clip off her nipple. She gasps loudly and looks down at the nice red upside down "V" forming on her tender chest. When she raises her head again, I hit the next breast also knocking away the clip. "Look, if your breasts were fuller, this would be an upside down "W" which we both know stands for whore."

"It's a letter M," she says quietly with a tinge of defiance in her voice now.

"We both know that M stands for moron," I sneer at her, turn around, and walk slowly to the table. I lay down the dragon tail and pick up the chain. I curl my fingers around the cold links, then wrap it over my knuckles as I walk back to the wall. "You don't deserve this," I smile at her as I start to wrap the chain around her neck. I grip it carefully to put the bulk of pressure on the sides rather than on the front of the throat. Just enough pressure to reduce some blood flow. "Do you deserve this?" I ask. My eyes have grown wild and I can feel her fear rising; I feel her pulse race along the chain and I hear her breathing change.

"D-Do I deserve to live?" She asks and I just laugh in her face.

"That's not the question I asked you, you big dummy," I snort and kiss her forehead tenderly, never letting go of the chain noosed around her neck. "Since you brought it up, do you deserve to live?"

"Of course I deserve to live," she says back almost too quick. We lock eyes for a tense moment and I tighten the chain a bit before releasing it and pulling it behind her along her shoulders. I am rough as I do this. I click my tongue in her ear and then nibble slightly on her earlobe. I whisper that I don't believe her. Then, I walk back to my table. I am half way across the room when she speaks again. "You don't believe I deserve to live?" Her voice cracks on the last word.

"I don't believe that you believe it," I sneer over my shoulder, "You don't deserve this. Not at all." I feel a swell of energy behind me, almost as if she had unlocked herself and ran up to my back. I don't turn around.

"What the fuck don't I deserve?" She asks very loudly. I turn to face her. She has squared up her body the best she can while restrained to the wall. She is stiff and unyielding, her wild eyes meet mine. I can sense she is gathering energy and strength fro all her emotions. However, she starts to shake, then, the tears come. I turn away and continue my way to the table and lay down the chain. all nice and neat. I don't turn around. I pretend I am preoccupied with something else at the table. I hear her sniffle. "You know what I don't deserve?" She asks with a tone I haven't heard before now.

"Everything," I say and turn around. She looks like a fucking mess. Tears, red face, makeup askew, struggling to hold the snot inside her nose, her limbs shaking as if they're prepared to leave without her body, but she has this insolent smile on her face.

"What I don't deserve is how you've been treating me for the past few days," she says nodding her head up and down violently as if that one sentence alone has proven her entire case. "What I don't deserve is this humiliation. When I gave you consent to be a bit mean, I didn't realize you were such a little asshole!" And with that, she sucks in her breath and becomes small again, like a child that had a fit of frustration and said a dirty word in front of Daddy. Her blush deepens. I simply smile at her, from ear to ear. She watches me in confusion.

"Like I said, you don't deserve this," I say slowly, "You don't deserve how I have treated you these last two days. and yet, you said nothing. You didn't deserve the name calling. You know I am aware that you don't like it. You didnt deserve that. But you deserved this scene, didn't you?" She closes her eyes and thinks for a moment. A weak, barely audible 'yes' escapes her mouth. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you," I say sternly.

"Yes, Sir, I deserved this scene," she says.

"Why?" I ask and begin putting my things away with my back turned towards her.

"I don't know," she admits.

I stop what I'm doing and go to her. I release her arms and hold her against me, kissing the top of her head. I feel slight convulsions throughout her body and know she's crying again. I pat the very back of her neck and pull her even closer into my chest.

"You needed this scene," I whisper, "You are so used to accepting whatever is dished out at you. Your past was violent and abusive and it stole any confidence you had." I feel her nod her head. I push her away enough to grab her chin and tilt it up. "Your parents didn't decide your worth. Your Exes didn't decide your worth. This scene didn't decide your worth. I don't decide your worth. Your worth has to come from within you. And we caught a glimpse of it tonight, didn't we?"

"We did," she said and rushed back into my chest, "I promise to communicate better, Sir, I promise to stand up for myself."